9/13/99

Fall, 1968

I entered the house because of the brother and I really do not remember why. It was in an old south Clairemont neighborhood, the kind with gray grass lawns and Navy families. His attitude towards me changed when we entered through the door like a feeling of abandonment, but not towards me, it was the culture of the inside of this house. I sensed three persons were inside other than me. My reality was shifting and this visit became a dream time like when you experience something alien that involves your presence. I wandered and found what I assumed was a sister in her room. She was in front of a mirror smoking and combing her hair getting ready to go out. Addressing me without looking my way she started a performance, a tawdry flirtation. She put on her fish nets with each leg taking its turn hoisted on the bed in the room. I dissapered. It was all the same in this house. Nothing could be shocking here. I could expect anything to happen. I wandered again. No light in here, everything dark, all areas seperate territories. The brother I came with was in his room also smoking. He looked at me annoyed as if I had seen something I should'nt have. I was a stranger.

I said something about his sister and he said she was a slut. His shirt was off and I noticed a tatoo on one side of his breast. His hair was long on top and short on the sides. It was the fashion of a lot of the tough military kids in school back then. Kind of combed straight back without a part and held down with something. I said something else and he just kind of looked right through me. Another man came into the picture. The sister went off with him and left through the front. She looked like she was his girlfriend. Her dress was short, the hair was straight, her eyes with purple shadow, her legs with the nets; that was a girls costume in 1968 from South Clairemont who's father was in the military. This house was a motel without love but with anger. Your kids put in their time until they could get out. I left and felt the bleary overcast Clairemont light shift me back to the street, back to my house, putting in my time.

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